I don't like to say "I told you so" but .... I told you so! I'm a very, very important candidate, sure to win, which is why so many extremely important people keep visiting my blog!
Folks, please say hello to Jake "Liberty" Porter, from the George Phillies campaign. Jake does a real bang-up job over at the Phillies campaign site. He also volunteers his time keeping the giant mutant turtle population under control, as you can see quite clearly in this action pic.
Welcome to my campaign site, Jake, and thanks for blogging! That's showing good leadership!
I shall answer your extremely important questions in the order in which they were received.
"Do you support forcing candidates to blog?".
Jake, that's an excellent question. See, I support forcing candidates to do a lot of things. For example, I strongly support forcing candidates cover their genitalia while in public, and I support forcing them to use the restroom facilities rather than allowing them to soil themselves in public.
I do not support forced blogging, though, and I'll tell you why.
Presidential candidates (except me, of course) will tell all kinds of wild tales if they're forced to blog. Some will do it to break the tedium, some will do it just to see if anybody's paying attention, and some will do it to "stick it to the Man". One will do it because he's a pathological liar. For example, a candidate may say that he has two women ready and willing to bear his children as part of some weirdo breeding program designed to help him win the White House, when the truth is that the candidate in question couldn't get laid even if he had a fistful of money in a Phillipine whorehouse.
I therefore strongly believe that all candidates should be given the option to blog, but I do not think it should be forced upon them as a condition of candidacy. In fact, I would go so far as to say that anybody who supports forced blogging is, by definition, a frickin' 'tard.
"Are you a communist like that George Phillies guy who I work for?"
Well, Jake, I do not have the finely honed scientific mind of Professor Phillies, but at the same time, I have a knockout body and my face won't make you hurl, either. I'm no slouch in the brains department, either; while I don't want to brag about my IQ, let's just say I'm smarter than the average supermodel.
Some people bandy about the word "communism" as if they actually attended and passed a high school level PolySci class. The truth is, most people using that word willy-nilly have no idea what it means.
There are even some people who claims that socialism and communism are the same thing, and those people tend to use the term "Socialist/Communist". I always laugh when I see that, because they don't realize just how stupid it makes them appear to smart people like us.
However, to clear up a misconception so common among the Illiterati, socialism and communism are not the same thing at all. Socialism is a desire to live in a utopian society; however, it can never thrive because human nature dictates that one or more people will always desire to rule others. In a true socialist society, there are no rulers, and there is no need for rulers. Therefore, Socialism only becomes Communism when real, living, breathing human beings enter the picture. Unfortunately, there's only one way to avoid that.
My campaign manager, Tommy Texino, not only runs the Panama Canal; he also is a Hoodoo Master. In layman's terms, that means that he knows how to make zombies. Now, I'm not talking about zombies like you see in the movies; those zombies are just make-believe. No, I mean that he makes real zombies, which are created for one and only one reason: to obey their master. I intend to fully utilize Texino's zombies to full advantage during my campaign and, once elected - which we all know is a sure thing - during my presidency.
While some people believe that the Internal Revenue Service is a foreign corporation operating under color of the Federal Alcohol Administration, this is not true. The Internal Revenue Service is, in reality, a testing ground for zombies. While there are still a few kinks to work out - for example, that they lack any discernable sense of humor - the program has overall been a resounding success. We have even begun to engage zombies in other federal jobs as well - such as the Postal Service and the Bureau of Land Management - and I will continue this very important program as a top priority when I am elected President.
Zombies don't require anything except somebody to tell them what to do, and when to do it. There is no law requiring that Zombies be compensated, which will save the American people untold millions each year. And, what person is better at telling others what to do than Mom? Given the burgeoning Zombie population in this country, staring glassy-eyed into televisions every night across this great land, I clearly am the only reasonable choice for President!
So, if you consider the Zombie portion of the population, then yes, I am a Communist, in that I and I alone will decide what the Zombies need, when they need it, and what they should do with every moment of their time (I originally planned for them to eat the brains of Republicans, but found out they don't have any. I'm working on alternative tasks for the Zs, though, and I'll let you know when I have it worked out). However, I am quite different when it comes to still-living human beings. I believe live human beings should be allowed to do whatever they want to do, as long as they're not hurting anyone else.
I hope that answers your questions, Jake, and once again, thanks for stopping by!
